(no subject)

[activatingaggro]

[The video screen flickers on.]

[The footage is a little shaky, and every twitch of motion makes the screen spasm with static. But if the picture's grainy, it's still impossible to miss Sipara's face peering down into the camera.]

[She's wearing armor, and there's the faint sound of snoring in the background, echoing slightly in the cave.]

sup, fuckerns, guess wherne I am?
 

[The image flickers, the video gradually growing brighter as she turns the camera. A flash of stone, cragged from age and damage, and then the screen goes white.]

 

in a goddamn cave. and it's fucking daytime. >:O

so, like, herne's  a warning forn yrn suprneme leader and all that shit:

when you go flarping, sparne yrnself the trnouble and just fucking cull yrn team rnight at the starnt. >:{
 

Comments

[activatingaggro]

dude, no.

[fleetnpcs]

In times of crisis, some trolls have resorted to deviant acts such as CANNIBALISM. While this is a social taboo, it is worth noting that the problems with this extend far past that: the consumption of troll flesh is actively detrimental to one's health due to the high fat content, and the fact you will be culled shortly afterwards by your local friendly policeradicator.

ON GRUBS: Some would argue that, as the larval form of our population, there is no true distinction between consuming grubloaf and troll flesh. If you ever meet such a person, the advised course of action is to cull them for the greater good of our society.

[activatingaggro]

wtf arne you even doing?

do you just, like, wait forn someone to say something and then trnoogle the most batshit thing you can find??

[fleetnpcs]

Now, you might be saying to yourself: well, Johnny, this man sounds mad!

But I'm here to assure you that everything you read on this page is 110% true, or your caegars back. Grub juice is one of the hardest components to cook with, and many recipes take great pains to ensure that the cook properly drains the grub beforehand. But I am here tonight to tell you that this is honestly COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

In the pre-Tyrian Empire, when trolls lived wild and free across the plains of our great continent, they didn't have time to do things like drain grubs, or bake bread. Instead, they hunted, and what they caught, they would consume whole, before it had even fallen to the ground!

[forgottensebayt]

1. [CURIOUS] they are posting exercepts from a cooking guide.

2. [BLAND, ISSUING A CORRECTION] or to be more precise, a number of cooking guides.

3. [CURIOUS] do they always communicate like this?

[fleetnpcs]

Some trolls would say that all techniques are correct!

These trolls are wrong. If you try to use a metal utensil in a non-stick pan, then drones will come out of your trap and murder you.

[activatingaggro]

oh my god, stooooooop.

that isn't even trnue. >:O

[forgottensebayt]

1. [INFORMATIVE] actually, that factoid, while over-exaggerated, is true at heart.

2. [INFORMATIVE] there is a historical precedent in the culling of poor chefs. during the first century of the tyrian empire, it was said that, much as a troll might find themselves spared from the cull by performing an adequately humorous joke, that especially high-ranking nobility could find themselves pardonned if they could bake a suitably elaborate cake.

[activatingaggro]

pull the othern one, grneenie. >:P

[refiningspacetime]

| No | Actually | It is Quite True | ! |

| Even Now | They Have to give high Nobility a Reasonable Escape Clause in Trials | I Mean | If You Think about It | It Makes Perfect Sense |

[refiningspacetime]

| After All | The Number of Violets Alive at Any Given Point in Time | Even Allowing for Their Vastly Superior Lifepsans | Is Frankly Miniscule | And Subsequently the Amount of Genetic Fluid They are Contributing at any Given Point is Absolutely Tiny |

| And Given the Natural Aggression of the Caste | And Certain Genetic Proclivities towards Insuborbination | Then It only Makes Sense | that They would Give as Many Escape Clauses from Out and Out Execution as Possible |

[forgottensebayt]

1. [INFORMATIVE] i would like to interject here to say that the slurry is, in all reality, rarely affected by the additional contribution of fluid.

2. [INFORMATIVE] new fluid takes a number of years to form the proper proteins that allows it to fertilise eggs successfully, and thus will naturally sink to the bottom.

3. [INFORMATIVE] that is why trolls are unlikely to produce a descendant within their own lifespan. the process of fluid rising to the point that it is available for fertilisation can take many centuries.

[refiningspacetime]

| Ah | But | ! | It isn't as if It has Never Happened Before | Is It | ? | Think of the Iwikuamo‘o Line | ! |

[fleetnpcs]

[|| The Iwikuamo'o line is a myth. ||]
[|| It's not a real bloodline. ||]
[|| It's just something ceruleans claim when they want to pretend they're navy. ||]

[murder eyes]

[refiningspacetime]

| Oh | Is that So |

|- WELL -| HH has Spoken | And as the Resident Highblood | I Suppose He would Know Best | =:) |

[forgottensebayt]

1. [MILD YET POLITE DISAGREEMENT] i would have to object to that classification. historically speaking, the iwikuamo'o line is a real bloodline, and there have been numerous figures who have legitimately belonged to it.

2. [INFORMATIVE, YET IN A POLITE MANNER] bloodlines are defined by members who's chrome numbers fall within a few degrees of one another, who share similar or identical horn shape, and whose facial features are similar enough that they could have come from the same genetic packets.

3. [INFORMATIVE] the iwikuamo'o line fits all of those standards.

4. [INFORMATIVE] of course, iwikuamo'o is a symbolhight. you are aware that we are actually speaking of the nahiku bloodline, yes?

[fleetnpcs]

[|| Yes, FS, I received the standard schoolfeeding oon nomencloture and definitions as well. ||]
[|| And I assumed that when we were discussing the line. ||]
[|| You would understand that obviously we were discussing the primary bloodline. ||]
[|| Which is to say: not Nahiku. ||]
[|| Because no one ever has given the slightest shit about the Nahiku's. ||]

[|| I was referring to Kaulia. ||]
[|| Which - before you say it - was obviously a real bloodline. ||]
[|| Back in the pre-Tyrian days. ||]
[|| But it is extinct now. ||]

[|| They do cover extinction in jade schoolfeeds. ||]
[|| Don't they? ||]

[activatingaggro]

okay, wow, i am just stepping in herne forn a second to say, like, all this talk about bucket fill is like, supern fascinating? i am goddamn D Y I N G rneading about it.

but can we stop talking about, like, fluid forn two seconds? i have a goddamn child napping in this cave w/ me. a frnesh faced pupa. a wrnigglern frnesh frnom the caves, still coverned in gorne and nasty-ass cocoon slime, and, like, prnobs rned marnkerns saying DO NOT CULL frnom the dirntbrnooderns.

[The camera pans to show the sleeping Sawyir, who is definitely not a child.]

the fuck is she gonna say if she wakes up and finds my phone full of talk about fucking buckets? >:O

[forgottensebayt]

1. [BEWILDERED] sipara.

2. [BEWILDERED, CONCERNED] perhaps you should review your biology schoolfeeds. and the pailing special, p5 out of 8.

3. [CONCERNED] because at absolutely no point in time should you be engaging in carnal relations with the bucket itself. that is simply not done.

[refiningspacetime]

| Oh my God |

[refiningspacetime]

| First Of All | Marduk |- NO -|

[refiningspacetime]

| Second of All | Sipara |

| There is No Part of Your Response That was Not Upsetting To Read | Thank You For Your Awful Contribution | As Always |

[refiningspacetime]

| But I Think It is Time to Declare a Moratorium on This Thread | And this Topic |

[activatingaggro]

dude, don't blame me. you werne pernfectly happy to be talking buckets two minutes ago. >:P

[refiningspacetime]

| One | That is Inaccurate |

| Two | THIS TOPIC IS OVER |